Week 1: He Loves Me Not

Friday April 15th

Told my girlfriends I was busy tonight. More like busy waiting for The Lawyer to message me. Here I thought our date went great on Wednesday but apparently not. Friday night and I am sitting at home like a loser with my roommates serial killer cat. Surely strong independent women don't behave like this? Perhaps I need to play my Beyonce album and remind myself of how great I am. Funny how we can sometimes put our self esteems in the hands of a complete stranger.

A watched pot never boils and a watched phone never rings. Truer words have not been said. Maybe if I leave my phone upstairs for a few hours and do something else he will message. Yes. That's got to be the solution.  

3 hours later

Ugh. Gingers are the worst... Why say "I will message you," only to ignore me for the next three days. I hate this game that guy's play. Last time I checked I didn't sign my feelings up for a round of roulette. I don't particularly enjoy gambling with my emotions like this. It really isn't good for my well-being. If you like me. Call me. It's as simple as that. Can't help but replay the whole night in my head now, thinking that I must have done something wrong. Also starting to think that maybe I am crazy sharing my thoughts in real time online? May regret this in the morning...

My phone is ringing! Maybe it's The Lawyer? 

Nope. Just got off the phone with Nicole and feeling much better about myself. She's right. He's doing me a favour by acting like a jerk from the get go because now I can move on without investing any feelings in him. Onto the next! 

2 glasses of wine later

I'm back. But Maybe he just lost my number? Or his phone? It's only fair that I track him down on Facebook and send him a message. I'm sure he's wondering how I am doing. 

Going to write this: "Hey it's me. Had a really great time on Wednesday. My phone's being acting up these last couple of days. Going to get a new one tomorrow. Well alright have a great night talk to you son xx."

Okay yes I told a little white lie about my phone but only to give him an opportunity to redeem himself. And who knows, this way if he did send me a message and I didn't get it then at least he knows to send me one again. 

"READ"

Never mind.  I'm such a stalker. Why did I just do that? Fuck. Just got smacked in the face with the worst word on Facebook- READ. He's read my message and still no word from him. So he's consciously choosing to ignore me. Ouch. It's not that I want to jump into an immediate relationship with him. It's just that it would be nice not to be viewed as some disposable being by a person that spent hours with me and even rubbed my dirty feet. That's it. I refuse to be a loser.I am going to go meet my sister and our girlfriends at the bar. Enough already. 

One More Thing...

I'm hopeless. Just discovered that I'm missing an extension track.  Which I must have left in The Lawyers bathroom. NO wonder he hasn't called me. He probably thinks I'm gross. Oh well I guess there's nothing I can do about it now. Take me or leave me buddy. I'm going upstairs to finish getting ready and I'm leaving my phone downstairs. (Just in case.)

xx

Introducing Charlotte Miller

Hello my name is Charlotte and I'm a serial dater. There I admitted it. Can we move on now? 

I am 29 years young, living with an annoying roommate who leaves dirty mason jars everywhere and her equally annoying cat who stalks me day and night. I'm convinced he wants to kill me in my sleep. I'm also sort of single. The reason I say sort of is because I have two very important boyfriends in my life- my best friend Nicole and Net-Flix. (Pronounced Nay- Flee. It's French.)

I never thought I would be one to share my life with the world but there are only so many times I can whine to my friends and family about my shortcomings before they tune me out- so here I am internet. Thanks for listening. 

I have always been that girl with a guy in her life. From serious boyfriends to seriously dating a "guy-friend" for months, to casually dating Tim, Chuck and Jeff at the same time as means to fill up my social calendar. I have never truly experienced single life. And yet, I just turned 29 and I feel more single than I have ever been. My age has crept up on me and I am now stuck in that awkward phase where all of my friends, acquaintances, enemies and baby sister are settling down. Thank God for my best friend Nicole who is equally as single and provides me with all of the ego stroking support I need. (She's not allowed to get a boyfriend until I do- fortunately she's a cooperative one.)    

In a mere 12 months I will be 30. THIRTY. The big 3-0. The Dirty Thirty. And I have decided to take control of my life. This year will be different. I can just feel it. I AM TAKING BACK CONTROL! The first step to fixing a problem is figuring out what the problem actually is. Here is my list so far: 

1. I love wine a little too much.

2. Netflix, eating Nutella with a spoon and sleeping alone with my face smeared in pimple cream excites me more than any guy I have met in the last year.

3. I do love the act of going on a date but most of the time lose interest in the guy almost immediately because he's boring.

4. Although the odd time I do like a guy, of course he ends up messaging me five days after the date, when I've already resolved that he's dead.

5. I have no filter.

6. I watch too many romantic comedies and Disney movies so may have slightly unrealistic expectations of what a man should be like. Perfect- is that really asking for too much?

7. I own a moo-moo. 

Friends and family tell me I'm too picky- that I should settle down already and stop blaming everyone else for my single status. But they just don't get how hard it is to date some of these guys-it's not me, it's them... 

Twenty Nine is my year and I'm inviting you to follow me on this journey of self-discovery and finding love. (Or don't. I probably won't be able to tell if you're reading anyway. I'm still not very good with computers.) 

A bientôt. I hear a glass of wine calling my name. 

xx