Week Three: Vagine

Week of April 25th

Monday April 25th

Went to a reflexology session at a place buried in the depth of China Town (slight possibility that it was a rub and tug) and experienced the most excruciating pain on the side of my left heel. When I asked the ancient Asian Lady who barely spoke a lick of English what the pain was associated with she expressed in a very loud voice "VAGINE. IT YOUR VAGINE. YOU HAF PROBLEMS WITH VAGINE?" 

Yes. Thank you for reminding me that I haven't had sex in a while. Seems as though, my Vagina is desperately trying to send for help through my feet. I'm thinking I do need to sleep with someone soon though. The Pilot and I have been flirting extraordinary amounts and I don't think it's very healthy. Why must he be so smooth?  

After thinking that he didn't like me because he didn't make a move last week in Chicago, I was proven wrong when he called me into the cockpit and lightly placed his hand on my thigh while asking for a water. 

Also oddly enough he is the Pilot on almost all of my flights this coming month- is it fate? or did he intentionally put in a request for us to work together? Not sure what I like the idea of more..

I guess I will find out soon enough what his intentions are.

Wednesday April 27th

I always try to save my dates for Wednesday. There is just something about Hump day that makes spending a drunken evening with a practical stranger very alluring. Tonight I had a date with a guy that I met off Tinder. Jimmy was very tall and sweet but he may be suffering from a bout of possessiveness.

Nicole was out on a horrendous date nearby with another match.com suitor so I invited her to join us to cheer her up. Only problem was once she got there, Jimmy started to act very strange...Naturally like a good friend I seated Nicole between Jimmy and I along the bar so she wouldn't feel left out. But that didn't sit well with Jimmy. He started grilling Nicole about her single status and he thinks that the only reason I'm single, is because she is? Nicole being the very nice person that she is, tolerated him in the classiest way possible- nodding, smiling and aggressively rolling her eyes behind his back. 

Finally when the night was coming to an end he gave Nicole the cold shoulder without even a hug goodbye. In fact, he shoved her out of the way to get to me. I'll be hearing about this one for the next week... I think I will see Jimmy again, after all a hint of possessiveness is a nice ego booster so I'll keep him around for now. 

Friday April 29th

Woke up today and decided to take my loneliness into my own hands- signed up to become a foster mom to a dog. Not so sure, how my roommates cat will feel about this but he's an asshole so I don't really care all that much about his feelings. Anyway the dog got dropped off tonight but it wasn't exactly what I had pictured when I signed up.

First of all, you would think there would be some kind of prep for this sort of thing but because it's a friend's, friend who runs this rescue organization, they just assumed I would be a responsible dog mom. So before I could really ask any questions, all of a sudden a lady with a really thick Cantonese accent pulled up to my town home at 9pm and dropped off a carrier with a dog inside. She also gave me all of the essentials like food, a leash and poop bags. (I totally forgot I would have to pick up dog shit every day when I signed up but I suppose I'll get used to it.) Anyway I tried to ask her some things about the dog seeing as it was like a blind date setup and I had no idea what it would look like but she had no idea what I was saying. So off she went and left me by myself to discover what was inside of the carrier. 

If my dating life is any indication as to what would be inside of the carrier, I should have known it would be something riddled with issues and not very attractive. Turns out my gut instinct was accurate. I pulled the zipper down and out popped a tiny Poodle head. His short curly hair was ruffled and caramel coloured from dirt, his tongue hung out of his mouth because he has no teeth and he tried to bite me almost immediately. I looked into his tiny, beady eyes and knew exactly what to call him: Alfred (Alfie for short.) Alfred looked like a senior citizen and after a quick text to my friend, I learned that he is ten years old and came straight outta Compton. He happened to land that night in Brooklyn and lucky me, my house was his first stop.

I placed a leash on Alfie's little body and he immediately pooped in front of me and then kicked it with his hind legs so that it went flying into the bushes. Alfie and I will get along just fine.